Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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