Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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