Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
