just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I am available for nakedness
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
