I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
