Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
