How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
