Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
