y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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