it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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