We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I love you. Go after that dick
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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