I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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