I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
