I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
