Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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