Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize