I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
