CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
