You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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