He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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