would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
