pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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