I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
