i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
