I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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