Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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