why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
