I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize