so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize