What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
