Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
