I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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