I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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