remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize