Where did you get a picture of my penis
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I smell stomach acid.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
