strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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