i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
