drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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