I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
