wat bout pragnant strippers??
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
