HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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