i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
