Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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