at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm at about main and main street
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
