Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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