your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
