I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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