Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
