You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
