I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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