Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
