Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
