Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
40s are totally the cure
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
