I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
