I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
