Umm I'm too high to move.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
