you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize