Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
