remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
