Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
