do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
