its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
