I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
