I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
