Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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