Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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