new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
