I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
