Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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