p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
