I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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