and you said cock pushups were impossible
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
