This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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