Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
being pregnant is like rehab
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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