sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize