Your dad touched me again.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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