I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
