just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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