Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
